


Guilt

by PhenomenalBrat



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Asexuality, Bisexuality, F/F, F/M, Guardian Kelly, Guns, Hospitals, LGBT Muslim Characters, LGBTQ Character, Minor Kara Danvers, Minor Lena Luthor, Muslim Character, Original Character(s), Other, Skills Kelly learned in the army, Youth Center, attempted sexual assualt, flash backs
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-15 20:40:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29564844
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PhenomenalBrat/pseuds/PhenomenalBrat
Summary: In this prequel to "Safety" Kelly helps a friend confront the horrors of Islamophobic attacks. In an effort to save a friend,  a deadly and violent act is committed in desperation and the intersection or Queer and religious faith is explore.
Relationships: Alex Danvers/Kelly Olsen
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	1. Faith

**Author's Note:**

> Author's notes: Islamophobic attacks are both surprisingly common and shockingly under reported. For a variety of reasons both culturally and socially assaults can happen at any time and for various reasons. Sometimes these reasons are the result of increased violence towards people of Islamic faith or who hold an appearance that is associated with the assumptions of Arabic descent, during times of religious celebration or holidays. Other times these assault and violence increase for no reason other than simple bigotry. Attempted sexual of muslim women is a particularly determental and heinous act that borders on a form of emotional, mental and physical torture.
> 
> Trigger warning: Flashbacks, Sexual assault, attempted sexual assault, guns, Yelling, cursing, racist Slurs, killing, Description of blood etc…

Kelly looked around the room still feeling twitchy and agitated. It had taken her the better part of 6 hours to get out of the police station and get to Saabira's side. The drama of the attacks that had swepted away the day after she showed up to pick Saabira up from the Mosque still weighed on her mind. Alex hadn't replied to her text in 30 minutes either. After Kelly had gave A description of the third attacker, Alex had vaguely said, _"I'll handle this babe. I got you."_ In Kelly's mind, that could mean a couple of different things knowing her fiance.

Luckily the nurse had allowed her to come back, if for no other reasons, than Saabira kept calling for her. That had all been about 45 minutes ago. Saabira had finally passed out from exhaustion as the adrenaline from earlier drained from her. The tears that still stained her cheeks and the myriad of bruises still on her wrist from where that...animal had grabbed her, still sent indignation and disgust running through Kelly's mind. The anger was probably better than the anxiety she had felt. She had shot...killed...she had murdered someone earlier. It was all still sinking in.

She looked down at Saabira on the bed. Her friend's jacket, bag, and phone were sitting in a chair nearby.

"Ghhjjjj." The groaning noise Saabira let out, gave clear indication to the aching pain that Kelly could only imagine, was still crushing her body.

"Saabira?" 

"Ke-Kelly-?" She sounded confused, like she didn't quite know where they were.

Kelly sat down at the edge of the bed giving Saabira space, but getting close enough to help as Saabira pulled herself into consciousness. The sharp, nearly panicked increase in her breathing worried Kelly as she mumbled out a desperate, "No. Stop!" Saabira jolted into full wakefulness. She looked around the hospital room, adjusting to the light. Where an hour ago she had seemed rather lucid, she now appear...broken.

"Hey. Hey. It- it's okay." Kelly's voice was gentle as she soothed the other woman.

"I'm sorry. I-" The unnecessary apology, rolled out softly over Saabira's light accent.

"It's okay. "

KNOCK KNOCK

Doctor Jamison open the door, peering around before letting herself in. "Hey. I'm just checking in."

After the ambulance ride to the hospital, before Kelly left to go to the police station, Doctor Dru, had been assigned to look after Saabira. Unfortunately a 6 foot 2' white man was not the right answer after the attack. Saabira had been near hysterical, likely feeling he looked too much like the attacker that had knocked her to the ground and torn at her clothes. That was besides the fact that she wasn't inclined for multiple reasons to be touched by a male doctor. Luckily Doctor Jamison, a girth but talented and polite woman had been found to take over. She was of middling age, around 50 and her rich mahogany tones and stylized afro reminded Kelly very much of an old mentor of hers from graduate school.

"Oh…" Kelly stood after the bed and move to the side as Doctor Jamison moved to check Saabira over. 

As she watched, she felt a headache forming. The thought that anyone could just be that predatory...the thought that if she hadn't been there...It made her stomach turn. In the 3 or 4months she'd known Saabira, she'd never gotten the feeling that anyone could want to hurt her.

**. . . .**

**(4 months ago)**

_Kelly frantically tried to get the files for the counselling sessions reorganized. The increased budget for the center that she had arranged had allowed for the hiring of new junior councilors and an assistant for her as Lena began to allow her nearly total free reign in the running and management of the center. Patrick...passing away and the subsequent attempts to...fix things hand left new order in their wake. That was for sure._

_She could only thank God for Doris' help over the past few weeks. Starting the process of paperwork for her and Alex' new foster daughter's they would be taking in soon, was stretching her thinner than she wanted to actually admit. If it wasn't for the Doris finding a suitable candidate for this position, Kelly might have admittedly forgotten._

_Doris had gone on and on about this woman named Saabira Abdallah. From what Doris had said, Saabira was a wiz at filing, organizing and she was in graduate school working on the next step to becoming a psychologist. Apparently she was good enough to get a scholarship from the Duffield foundations diversity program when she was in highschool. That certainly all sounded very impressive._

_Kelly was hoping this woman got here soon. While an interview felt like an unnecessary formality, it was best to do one,and actually evaluate, rather than just hire someone solely based on the word of a friend._

_KNOCK KNOCK_

_The tapping on the door startled Kelly. "Come in." She turned around quickly and inadvertently knocked over a stack of papers, onto the floor. Frustration ran through the back of her mind as she bent down to pick them up._

_"Hello?" A woman's voice spoke, then paused. A few seconds later, whoever it was at the door was kneeling down, helping Kelly to gather up the papers._

_"Hi," Kelly greeted. "Thank you," She said as she stood and found herself face to face with the other woman._

_"Hi."The other woman, who was a little shorter than her, standing probably at an even 5 foot 5' was rather lovely. Dark but firey brown eyes looked back at her. The other woman's hair and shoulders were wrapped in a scarf...a hijab actually was probably more correct. The dark auburn color of it, perfectly matched her dark auburn red slacks too. A modest but crisp looking white long sleeve blouse was covered by a jacket. It all said stylish but understated. She had a dark black messenger bag slung over her shoulder and a pair of glasses that perched on top of her head._

_"Oh. Oh my god. You must be Saabira." Kelly realized after a second, who it was._

_"Sorry, I'm a little early. I caught a ride over here from University and -"_

_"Oh no- It's fine. I- was just-"_

_Saabira looked around the offense. "So, Doris says, you're looking for a councilor and filer?"_

_"Yeah." Kelly nodded._

_"I'm surprised that-"_

_"More applications haven't been around?"_

_There had been a few others. Noone had been quite the right fit though. "It's been complicated. Did you wanna head to my office for the interview?"_

_Truth be told she was getting such a good vibe off Saabira and the applications and Doris recommendations made her want to just hire the young woman right on the spot. They headed out of the office they were in, walking across the hall to Kelly's new office._

_The room was much cleaner and minimalistic in set up. It had a book shelf to one side, as well as a shelf with mini trophies. The desk was near the window which was slightly cracked open as per usual. Off to the side of the other wall, was a bank of mini TV monitors so You could watch every room in the Center as needed. Kelly didn't particularly like the idea of monitoring everything to that extent, but it was a reasonable safety precaution that Lena had come up with and Alex had agreed with. It had been an add on after the shooting, to create a sense of safety and put investors minds at ease. The lengthy phone call that night, when Lena thought the center might have to be shut down, still lingered in her memory as did the falling conversation with Alex. Kelly tried not to think about the other implications behind the camera's though. She was very hands on at the center lately so luckily, she hadn't actually been on her office enough to use the cameras much._

_She sat down behind her desk and gestured for Saabira to have a seat. "So, I looked over your resume. It's very...impressive." Aside from Doris' recommendations, there were at least 4 other internships programs and a bachelor's degree in Psychology already on the young woman's record. Considering that she did not appear any older than 24, that was rather surprising._

_"Thank you."_

_"So, I guess I'm wondering if you can tell me a little more about yourself. I feel like we might have some things in common."_

_Doris had actually mentioned that she felt like they would have things in common. Kelly was getting that vibe herself._

_"Oh. Not much. I'm an Aries, if you are into that type of stuff. I'm a painter, sort of...more struggling artist really." Saabira's tone was more self deprecating than anything. She gave off a refreshing combination of self confidence mixed with demure self depreciation._

_"I see you were involved as a student mentor in the Running Start Program. You're very interested in working with young people then I take it."_

_"Yes. That's actually how I met Doris. Her- her son Patrick…"_

_The both nodded as Saabira trailed off. Patrick's was still a delicate subject after all those months. Kelly observed the young woman before her. Part of her brain could already see working with the young woman._

**. . . .**

**( Present)**

As Doctor Jamison finished her check up, she looked over at Kelly then back at Saabira. "There's a miss Kaifiya Abdullah outside near the waiting room. I wanted to check with you before I let her come back."

"Fiya is here?" 

Kelly could see the desire to see Kaifiya warring with the worry of letting Kaifiya see her like this. She stepped closer to the bed. "She's probably very worried. It might be good for you two,to-"

Saabira nodded quietly. Doctor Jamison got up and headed towards the door. "I'll let them send her back," she advised before stepping out of the door.

"What is Fiya gonna-"

"She's gonna be relieved that you're okay. If I had to visit my girlfriend in the hospital, that would be my main thought too."

There was a quiet pause as Saabira looked over at her. "My parents-"

"The hospital had trouble reaching them for a while. I hear you brother is on his way though."

Saabira lay quietly. Kelly could practically feel the wheels turning in her head.

The door opened with a quiet knock before Kaifiya stepped into the room, closing the door behind her. She looked close to tears as she looked over at Saabira. Her hijab, and eyeliner seemed to have been hastily put on in a rush along with her dress. She certainly cut a different picture from when Kelly had first met her a good 2 and a half months ago. 

As Kaifiya moved across the room to sit on the edge of the bed near Saabira, Kelly got the feeling that she was intruding on a private moment. Truth be told the energy between the other two women always felt like they were having a private conversation together just by looking at each other. That was how she had known they were together before Saabira ever spoke a word about it to her. What she did tell her eventually had been more layered than Kelly had been expecting though.

**. . . .**

**_( 2 months ago)_ **

_It was pushing 2:35pm as Kelly sat at her desk. The group counselling session for the teens, that Saabira had over seen with help from Nia had left a relaxed energy in its wake yesterday that Kelly definitely wanted to capitalize on. The first group of teens from the Washington Carver Highschool would probably be around in the next 45 minutes given the time the schools let out. And then the younger kids would trickle in around a little later. That would at least afford her time to review the new budget proposal for the upcoming quarter. It very much boiled down to a "how much money are we going to spend on giving resources to these vulnerable kids " and figuring out the budget wasn't necessarily something she enjoyed, perhaps because she felt too emotionally invested in the kids and constantly wished they could do more._

_She looked over at the bank of monitor on the wall as a small chime went off. It was an alert, informing her that someone was using the employee only entrance to enter the building on the side away from the main entrance near the back. It was rarely used as most of the staff and volunteers would simply breeze through the front door with the kids._

_On the monitor, she saw Saabira at the entrance. She was standing with her badge in her hand and next to her was Kaifiya, the young woman that Kelly had seen dropping Saabira off a few times now. She recalled Saabira referring to the young woman as Fiya and telling her that they met at university and both enjoyed art, gardening and had old cars. The way in which Saabira talked about Kaifiya simply screamed, " I am in love with her." It was heartwarming to watch but Kelly tried not to pry. As Saabira got the door opened with her badge, she turned back to Kaifiya who was saying something that drew laughter from both women. Kaifiya spent forwarded placing a chased but delicate kiss on side of Saabira's cheek in a way that reminded her of how Alex had done the same that morning with her, when she was rushing out the door to help J'onn with a new lead they had on that gang that had robbed multiple tech labs including L-corp side labs for some reason._

_Kelly smiled before looking back down at her papers she needed to finish. She shouldn't be prying.Truth be told, she was only going to have about another 2 hours to spend here before she had to get back to a work meeting._

_Within about 2 minutes, she heard a knock on her door. Saabira poked her head in._

_"Kelly-I-" Saabira had been a tiny bit hesitant to call her by her first name at first._

_"Hey."_

_"I'm sorry I was a few minutes late. I-"_

_Kelly laughed, totally unworried. "Don't worry. I know how it can be, when you get caught up doing stuff with your girlfriend. Trust me," she commented offhandedly, not really thinking much of it._

_"I-uhm-" Saabira stammered a bit in a way that was unusual for her. She adjusted her glasses a bit and looked down at her black boots before fiddling a little with the dark blue hijab she had on, that matched her slacks. "Fiya...I- yeah. That is rather complicated." She laughed in that self deprecating way. The inflection on Fiya's name spoke of great fondness there that was simply impossible to miss, unless one simply was actively not looking._

_"Oh. I'm- I probably shouldn't have just assumed like that. "_

_"It's fine. "Saabira assured her. "Fiya is my girlfriend. She's- she more than that really."_

_"You gonna marry that girl someday?"_

_"I wish." Saabira stepped further into the room, setting her bag down as she sat in the chair opposite from Kelly on the other side of the desk._

_"Oh?" Perhaps from personal experience or from doing enough studying of people recognized a Conundrum when she saw one. She really couldn't help but want to offer assurance. "Is it-? Are you-? I take it, someone really important in your life doesn't know?" She pried as gently as possible._

_Saabira was really quiet for a moment like she was thinking really hard. "It's a little deep to explain."_

_"I have time."_

_"It's just so much all rolled together. My religion intersecting with my sexuality took my awhile to feel my way through." Saabira laughed lightly about it now._

_"That's a lot to unpack. My family is very very liberal but also very Christian. I understand how complicated it can be." Kelly explained. I've done so much to myself trying to find peace with myself. Believe me." She observed Saabirafor a moment. "So you had to work out being gay and-"_

_"Bisexual. Or I mean I guess in the sense that you can not really be sexual and still be attracted to people. It took me a while to reconcile how all that felt in my heart and my head."_

_Kelly nodded. She wanted to ask a question but she didn't want to be rude about it. "You're girlfriend-"_

_"Is my girlfriend. Asexual does mean I don't want to date people. She understands. Asexuality, then bisexuality then the innate sense I always had of myself as a Muslim woman," she laughed a bit, " It was alot to unpack. I like that I'm all those things at once though. Believe me, it took a long time for me to understand that I was asexual and how my brain naturally processed attraction in different ways. For a while, I wondered if I was simply internalizing other people's assumptions of me and making it my identity. That's not how that really works though...at least not for me. That was before I even understood that I was bisexual. '' Saabira laughed a little. "I know that's a lot."_

_Kelly was momentarily surprised by Saabira's steady sense of herself. One might of thought a bisexual muslim woman would be more internally conflicted._

_"So who's the external factor?" Kelly asked the most obvious question. If the issue wasn't internal self conflict then it was always external._

_"I'm- My parents are not aware of-" she fiddled with her glasses again. " I- I didn't manage to tell them. I told my brother's Saaid and Saadiq. We've always been rather close. Saadiq said that Allah makes no mistakes and I am exactly as he made me."_

_Kelly nodded. "Telling parents that kind of stuff, even when we feel secure in ourselves is not easy."_

_"I wanted to tell them. But there's this thing-"_

_"Thing?"_

_"Person actually." Saabira looked uncomfortable with the admission. "My father wishes to arrange a uhm-"_

_"Oh."_

_"Yes. It's quite the situation. I love my parents very much. This man they wish for me to marry, Daboor is a very nice man. We have met twice. I-Well, my parents surely only want what is best for me. If-" She trailed off._

_"Saabira-" Kelly felt a mix of confusion and concern as Saabira spoke._

_"It will all be fine. I'm sure. Allah always makes a way." They were both quiet for a few moments. " I should let you finish your papers."_

_Kelly looked back down at the paperwork she had nearly forgotten. "Oh. Right I- yeah."_

_Saabira had already stood up and was headed to the door._

**. . . .**

Kelly leaned against the bathroom sink. She had finally ventured out of the hospital room a few minutes ago, to give Kaifiya and Saabira a few minutes. Perhaps she just wanted to give herself a few minutes though. Everything had happened so fast. Everything...that had all gotten so out of hand.

Her eyes still rang from the sirens and the sounds of the gunshot. Too much...too much blood...too much death. It reminded her of The cops...If it wasn't for the need to keep herself together for Saabira sake, she probably would have vomited. Perhaps though, her lack of regret over saving her and Saabira's lives was the worst part. Maybe if Saabira hadn't taken her advice they never would of been there at all.

Kelly's phone buzzed. She looked down to see a text from Alex. It simply read, _" Is this the guy?"_ That was followed by a picture. Kelly recognized the man as the one who had been fighting Saabira. The bruises on the side of his face, openly detail the veracity with which she had fought back. Kelly felt a twinge of pride at Saabira's actions mixed in with everything else.

**. . . .**

**_(7 and a half hours ago)_ **

_The traffic in National City was starting to get on Kelly's nerves. Her new car was great on gas a 2017 Cruz was not the best vehicle to just sit in traffic with. She probably should of left work earlier though. Technically it was her own choice to be here._

_Saabira would be getting out of the Mosque soon, assumably and they had both agreed that this was the time to be honest with her parents. It really couldn't wait any longer. After Saabira had told her that Daboor was scheduled to fly over in a week to see her, she had gently proded. Her advice of, " be honest now or you will hurt both him and yourself," had been perhaps a bit more blunt than intended._

_Saabira's increasingly quiet demeanor had been worrying her. The vibrant energy she normally saw in the young woman had been replace with contemplation over the last week before she told her that Daboor was on his way. Her declaration that she "Owed them the truth," while worrying, since Kelly didn't really feel like anyone was owed intimate details or disclosure about anyone else's sexuality, at least displayed the necessary resolve to handle the matter._

_Kelly pulled into a parking spot near the corner of 72nd and East Avenue. The mosque was close enough that she could simply walk over. Considering the recent but low key string of attacks that had happened at a few Mosque in the city, that hadn't quite made the news and that truth be told she wouldn't have known about it Saabira hadn't told her, she was glad they would be together for strength in numbers. And with a new foster child at her and Alex' home, just recently, this was probably the only time she would be free to do it. Amelia's arrival had been a heartwarming surprise that she was still getting used too in the past few weeks. Lena and Kara were already putting in Aunty duties on that front and Keeping Amelia for the night. The child had warmed to them both almost instantly. Thank God for that blessing or she would hardly have had time to play support woman for Saabira today._

**_. . . ._ **

_Kelly could feel agitation crawling up her back as she walked across the street to were the Mosque was. It was situated on its own corner, across from National City Bank. As she crossed the street she noticed Saabira standing on the corner, near a street light. She appeared to be carefully watching something or someone. As Kelly got closer, she realized Saabira was simply watching a friend of hers, making it to her car safely._

_"Hey." Kelly tried as best she could, to not startle the younger woman._

_"Oh. " Saabira turned at the sound of her voice. "Apologies. I was just- Eiliyah has been worried with- with everything that's been going on-"_

_Kelly felt embarrassed by her lack of knowledge about the full impact of these attacks that were harming her friends community. It wasn't really about her though. "No worries. I parked u_

_Just a block away."_

_As Kelly walked, Saabira's quiet demeanor worried her after a moment. She could feel the contemplation. "Kelly?" Saabira stopped walking as she spoke._

_"You having second thoughts."_

_She spoke openly since the side street they were using near the east side of the Mosque was nearly deserter at this time of night._

_"I'm- I just- I've spent so many hours praying and thinking and finding strength to understand my own sex- sexuality and figuring out who I am in Allah."_

_"And nothing can take that from you." Kelly was quick to reassure her._

_"My parents-"_

_"Are not God-" Kelly decided to be blunt._

_As the stood on the side street, Kelly noticed a shadow moving across the ground. A brunette white man of about 5 foot 11 inches,wearing blue jeans and a black t-shirt, was making his way toward them coming up behind Saabira. Kelly's senses screamed danger, despite only seeing the one man. Wordlessly she reached for Saabira's hand and as Saabira took her hand and they begin to walk further up the road._

_"Where you two headed?" The man behind them yelled._

_As they continued, two other men began to close in from in front of them._

_"Hey, Jake. Lookie what you found." One of the other men, a blonde, with spiky hair and dark dangerously hungry grey eyes spoke._

_The had then essentially surrounded. Kelly stopped as the three men closed in. She was already anticipating a conflict even as she hoped to avoid one._

**_Trigger Warning:I hate interjecting into the flow of the story, but... Gun shots, Islamophobic slurs, Homophobia, violence, punching, kicking, attempted sexual assualt, not consensual kiss, blood etc coming in next section. Proceed with caution if any of those things is particularly emotionally triggering for you._ **

_"Where are you ladies headed?" The brunette behind them asked._

_"Home." Kelly was short and to the point as she answered._

_The 2nd blonde looked down at where Kelly still held Saabira's hands. "Boys. I think we have a couple of dykes on our hands_

_"And one of them is a scarf head." The other blonde laughed at his own poor joke._

_Kelly could feel the fear literally pouring off Saabira. She looked around at the men._

_"We're just heading home. Some friends are expecting us." Kelly maintained as much calm as possible, while attempting to sound annoyed rather than worried._

_The brunette man behind then reached towards Saabira. "Loosen up babe. I'm just trying to be nice to you," he commented as Kelly moved Saabira out of his reach._

_All three men chuckled in that way that asshole men do when they're getting off on harming women. Kelly was already tired of this interaction and it hadn't even gotten physically violent yet._

_"Well stay a while. We could have some fun...teach some pretty dykes to appreciate a real man-" The second blonde told them._

_"Listen we really have to go. " While still holding Saabira's hand she tried to step between the men. She laughed a little as they began chuckling, trying to not hurt their feelings, and to hide her own distress, in that way women do when men are making everyone around them uncomfortable and women just want to leave the situation with the least amount of drama. She stepped between them, taking Saabira with her but they were not having that._

_Like clockwork the intensity of the situation shifted up very quickly as the brunette man wearing the black shirt, grabbed Saabira's wrist, stopping her. Then he shoved her hard, in the second blonde man who seemed to be the oldest of this trash bag crew._

_"How rude." The second blonde. " We were trying to be nice and having a good time. " The tall blonde man held Saabira as she struggled trying to get away. "You know I've only fucked a few Muslim bitches before-"_

_Based on his toned, Kelly highly doubted any woman would willingly have sex with any of these over hyped, selfless, muscle incel minded men. They gave off both rapey and toxic vibes._

_"Wait-" Saabira tried to interject_

_The 2nd blonde man pulled at Saabira's hijab and scarf, trying to yank it off her. He grabbed her face with his hand, licking her and attempting to kiss her despite her clear revulsion. Kelly moved to intervene, but the first blonde, lifted his shirt revealing a gun tucked into his pants. He pulled it out while the Brunette moved in closer._

_"You know, " the first blonde spoke to the brunette, "this is gonna be fun. Black bitches are wild in bed. I've had a few Ni-"_

_"Listen-" Kelly cut him off. You don't wanna do this."_

_Behind them, the second blonde was tossing Saabira to the ground. Kelly's brain was already working out an answer of how to get to her as the man fighting Saabira practically pounced on her. He had already torn off her hijab and scarf and was pulling, tearing at her clothes, with a leering intent._

_"No! Stop!" Saabira was thrashing as pushing at his hands. She struggled to push him off her._

_The Brunette laughed. We are getting better at this. "When Bill is done, we should take turns. "_

_"We might be too busy with- " The blonde who held the gun on Kelly was distracted, talking to his friend._

_Kelly took advantage of the distracted state. Thank God these guys seemed to be arrogant and not trained. Despite the fact that the blonde alone seemed to be a good 6 foot 2 and 220 pounds in decent shape, he was more like those showy dudes with display muscles. Fancy but no real definition or training behind it. Tala had taught her an old trick for disarming gunmen._

_She had only seconds. Tala had always said that guns only had a certain range of effectiveness. She grabbed the barrel of the gun with one hand, while stepping to the side. Her other hand came up, slamming into the blonde man's wrist and breaking his hold on the gun. As she turned the gun on the blonde, the brunette man ran at her, attempting to tackle her from the side._

_Behind them she noticed the other blonde backhand Saabira in the face as she pushed and scratched at him while he tore open her shirt!_

_"Kelly!"_

_As the brunette reached her, grabbing and practically lifting her off her feet, the first blonde man advanced, his hand reaching out to take the gun. Like a morbid instinct, she felt herself pulled the trigger._

_BANG!_

_The shot exploded out of the gun, hitting him point blank between the eyes. He fell dead to the ground in front of her as a splattering of blood hit her. She didn't even have a second to absorb the impact of what she had just done. The brunette man began trying to fight her for the gun in earnest now. He flung her to the ground, and in her momentarily disorientation his foot swung down slamming into her stomach. She was definitely going to be bruised later._

_She rolled out of the way and turned the gun. Her instincts leveled the gun to his heart level but she jerked her hand off center and fired into his shoulder, taking him to the ground. As she stood back up, she turned to level the gun on the man assaulting Saabira._

_"Ahghhj!" The man attacking Saabira screamed as she kneed him in the crotch and pushed him off finally._

_Kelly saw Saabira smack him in the side of the face with a rock she had found on the ground. The gush of blood on his face made Kelly feel momentarily proud of Saabira, though it was not her nature to enjoy violence. "Get away from her!" She yelled the command._

_"Man help-" The bleeding brunette man on the ground beseeched his friend. As the blonde looked at Kelly holding the gun though, he scrambled to his feet running off._

_Saabira fell back, clearly burnt out from the struggle and Kelly moved towards her. She kept the gun on the fleeing blonde though. She didn't want to shoot someone in their back but if she had too…As he fled, siren sounds cracked through the air. Of course, of course the police were coming now. A white man was dead on the ground, and another was bleeding and a black woman was holding a gun. This would not look good._

**. . . .**

**(Present)**

Time had been a blur of emotionally lacerating trauma. Thank God that the mini mart near the Mosque had a camera that caught most of that or she'd probably still be sitting in the police station. Kelly sighed as she stepped out of the bathroom. Her chest still ached from where being stomped on. It didn't feel serious though. She wasn't really inclined to surrender herself to the hospital's cruel mercy anyways.

As she made her way down the hall in the hospital, she heard a voice call her name.

"Miss Olsen?"

Kelly turned to find herself looking at Saadiq, Saabira's brother. He appeared exhausted. His black button up shirt was loose and untucked from his slacks. He had a shorter older woman with him. Kelly guessed immediately that she was meeting the infamous Saaida Abdullah. She was pretty in a stern kind of way. She stood at only 5 foot 3 but it felt like she was surprisingly in control.

"Good to meet you." Her greeting was simple.

"We are going to check on my sister." 

Kelly thought about Kaifiya in the room as they headed down the hall. This would not be the best moment for a revelation at all.

**. . . .**

**To be continue in chapter two: Hadathat Muejaza**


	2. Hadathat Muejaza

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Saabira and Kelly have an enlightening conversation with Saaida.

"So is Saaid-" Kelly tried to make some small talk. She had only met Saabira's brothers on two other occasions. They both seem like lovely young men. Saadiq gave off the responsible brother vibe, expected from an eldest son while Saaid did tend to feel more relaxed, based on the vibe Kelly had gotten.

"My son had to stay with my husband. He shall be along soon. " Saaida was direct and to the point. She definitely wasn't rude though. 

They got to the door and Kelly knocked quickly, stepping forward to be the one to open the door. She peered inside as Saaida and Saadiq stepped in behind her. Saadiq made no comment as he clearly understood. 

Kaifiya was sitting on the edge of the bed. Her right hand was carefully touching the side of Saabira's face while she gazed at her. It wasn't anything distinctly sexual or romantic happening. The look they were giving each, screamed "devotion" and "I'm in love with you" though. Perhaps that was because she knew, or perhaps it was just her "gaydar" registering what was right there. She prayed at that moment that Saaida didn't notice.

Kaifiya pulled her hand back as she realized they were there. She turned looking at them. Saaida was looking between Saabira and Kaifiya. She looked over at Kelly and at Saadiq. Saadiq for his part seemed to be fascinated by his phone suddenly. "Good to see my daughter has such attentive and good friends " Saaida commented. 

Kaifiya nodded politely. "Blessings upon you Miss Abdullah. "

"Thank you." Saaida sounded very much like she was putting some pieces together. "Good to see my daughter's friends taking such good care of her." Saaida gave a judgment, quick look over to Saadiq. It was the kind of look mother's gave that cut their son down to size. Saadiq's eyes move from his mother to Kelly, then over to where Saabira lay. The splash of regret and self disgust that cut across his face was heartbreaking. Kelly recognized the feeling well. The unnumbered amount of times she'd had to see James in a hospital bed…

Kaifiya moved from the bed as Saaida approached to check on her daughter. 

"'Ami bikhayrin." Saabira spoke and Kelly got the feeling from the language shift, that the energy in the room was moving.

Her mother looked her over. The bruises on Saabira's face gave tell to the violence that had befallen her. Her mother did not appear to believe her words.

"Kan waliduk Mattapan jidanaan' "

Saabira sighed. Kaifiya watched this exchange indulgently as if she had expected this situation. 

"Amiy, 'ana last taflat'."

"Ant' la tazal tiflay! Hdha lays ean eamur Saabira." Saaida's tone was directed and finally. It wasn't harsh but it was cutting in a way that only mothers could be.

Kelly didn't know what exactly was being said. Her understanding of Arabic was limited to some classes she took in college. The speed with which Saaida and Saabira spoke told her the conversations details really weren't for her anyways. She couldn't say she was bothered by not knowing exactly either.

"Ami' ana ftq-"

" 'Aelam 'anak turid aistiqlalika. Laqad faealt dhlk aydana fi eimrik. " Saaida looked between Saabira and Kaifiya as she spoke the last part. Her tone was very distinct then, like she was making a point. She looked back down at Saabira squarely on the bed. " Walaeali hdha 'amr naqlih Allah iilaykum aydana." Saaida put some pieces together very adeptly. Saabira surprised expression made it clear to Kelly that she had not expected whatever her mother had just said.

Kelly looked over at Saadiq. He looked just as surprised and Kaifiya was running through a gambit of expressions. Kaifiya stepped over closer to Kelly.

"Mom?" Saadiq was at a loss for words

"I have eyes. I see what's going on in your lives…" Saaida didn't sound angry and Kelly took the switch back to English as a sign as well.

"Mom its not-"

"Saadiq,stop. I-I-" Saabira cut off Saadiq's attempted explanation. "Mom I can-" her uncertainty seemed to give way to a rapidly growing confidence. Perhaps surviving the attack had awaken so desire to be forthcoming, if only for her own peace. " I've actually been meaning to share something with you. "

"I'm- I can't marry Daboor."

"Saabira. I know- I know your heart lies-" Saaida looked behind her, over towards Kaifiya, "-elsewhere. Mind did too but -"

Kaifiya tapped Kelly on the shoulder and motioned to the door. Kelly noticed Kaifiya look towards Saabira on the bed. They shared a look for a few moments, like they were having a silent conversation with just their eyes, before Kaifiya moved to guide Kelly towards the door. Kelly wanted to stay and give some back up to Saabira but she was at a loss.

"We just need to give them a moment, " Kaifiya explained as she and Kelly stepped out the door. "We- we've been needing to tell 'Bira's parents for a while. It was the right time. Clearly a sign from Allah and-" Kaifiya was rambling a bit.

"Kaifiya?" Kelly gestured towards two chairs for them to sit down in. She was still piecing things together.

"I suppose I shouldn't be surprised 'Bira is so much more like her mother than we-" Kaifiya sounded almost wistfully surprised as she sat down. " That will make things easier for-"

"Kaifiya. I- I'm a little lost." Kelly confessed. Her brain was making some inferences but she didn't want to jump to assume anything.

"I am too to be quite honest." Kaifiya was looking down at her hands. She seemed to be thinking very hard. "You know, Saabira and I have never… we care greatly for each other. Every part of me knows that Allah wants us to be together and has blessed us to do so. We- she felt the same but- Reconciling what we know is right for us with what she thought her mother and father would think despite feeling secure in other ways-"

"I get that. There's a lot that goes into romance in a relationship and finding what is the right thing for both of you." Kelly assured her. "So Saaida is okay with-"

"It's-" Kaifiya looked at Kelly, like she was about to tell her something that wasn't really her business. "Mrs Saaida loves expensively. She is like Saabira." Kaifiya was quiet but direct.

"Oh."Kelly let that information sink in. That made sense. 

The door to the hospital room opened and Saadiq peaked out, looking around before seeing them and calling them back in. He gestured towards then and they walked back over. Kelly's brain was still turning and trying to figure out how to handle all this. 

Kelly glanced down and pulled her phones from her pocket as it vibrated. There was a text from Kara along with a picture of Lena with Amelia.

Kara: " Lena ordered healthy low fat 🍕 for us. Wish we could just have normal pizza. Hate adulting. Alex text earlier that she caught the third guy. I think she may have accidentally hurt him during capture. Are you okay?"

Kelly: "I'm fine. I'm just- it's complicated"

Kara: If you need to talk, I'm available."

Kelly: "I know.

As she stepped back into the room with Kaifiya, they caught Saabira and Saaida mid conversation. 

"...And that's what I want with Kaifiya. And I know Allah would not condemn…" Saabira was quiet but deliberate and determined as she spoke.

"Your safety…"

"Mom-" Saadiq interrupted and Saaida turned towards him.

Part of Kelly felt the urge to interject on Saabira's behalf. The picture of exactly what was going on was ringing clearer. She was reminded of her own coming out to her own mother…

. . . .

To be continue/ concluded in Chapter 3: Promises Kept

Thank you for reading. Feel free to eave questions, comments, kudos of reasonable constructive criticism. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's notes: To clarify, It made perfect sense from my PoV for Saabira and Saaida to be speaking Arabic in front of Kelly. It's not done to be rude or confusing. It makes perfect sense for people to speak their first language when communicating with family. Also on some level, what's happening isn't even really Kelly's business. 
> 
> Author's notes: In chapter one I told you that there were depictions of Islamphobic attacks. That was true. It should also be noted that what you're seeing in this story is also Islammisic. Essentially, while phobia is a fear or paranoid response, misic denotes irrational hatred and negative thoughts and Also violence. When Saabira and Kelly were attacked, that attack was rooted in hatred, not fear. That is an important distinction. 

**Author's Note:**

> Authors notes: There was a bit of back and forth when deciding how to craft this fight scene. I definitely think Kelly is an intelligent and capable fighter. I also don't think that she's a fan of violence though. She's essentially a defensive fighter. She didn't shoot because she likes shooting people. She was in something that escalated to a kill or be raped and killed situation. While murder is wrong, the immediate threat and the past harm it was clear this guys had caused, made the choice feel justified for her character. I also wanted Saabira to fight back. I think that self defense and savings your life if someone intends to harm you is a valid part of Muslim faith.
> 
> Authors notes: Being Bisexual or, Gay, lesbian or Trans are not reason one should feel condemn by God. If the basic structure of faith is with God and the relationship between you and God them you have to be steady in that. With Saabira, she's very much in tune with her faith and believes that her faith and sexuality can cohabitate as she lives her truth as God made her. Her struggle is not an internal war with her sexuality. Her conflict comes in in dealing with her parents and reconciling her truth and relationship with Allah, with the traditions she feels will keep her parents from accepting her. I think alot of time when Gay, Lesbian, bisexual Or transgender individual are trying to reconcile their faith with their sexuality, they need to look up and understand that if God is love, then worrying about the separation and laws created by men will pulled them further from good. In a lot of sense, your sexuality might actually be able to draw you closer to yourself and God when religion isn't weirded like a weapon by other people. Nothing about Islam or Christianity or Judaism, etc should be getting used to push. People from faith.
> 
> So with Saabira, her concern is very much rooted in her parents' opinion. Her sense of self and knowledge of why she loves is steady though. I very much don't want to give the impression or misunderstanding that, that is what she had trouble with. I did talk to some active LGBT muslim people and do a good deal of reading for this. Its going to be a multi chapter stretch. 
> 
> Author's notes: This is a very important thing to note, because it will be relevant going forward. Your sexuality is not something you are required to come out to your family with, because you feel like its owed to anyone. As long as that truth you hold, isn't hurting you or anyone else, you aren't obligated to tell. If you are gonna come out, make sure its done on your terms in a way that is healthy for you.


End file.
